Never been married Faraxs and Xalimos over 30, what made you stay single?

[Abdirazaq]

The common arguments I see is being busy building careers, not enough good potential suitors etc but I’m not buying any of that bs anymore. I ultimately think it comes from a fear of commitment, overanalysing your choices leading to a paralysis of choice, maybe you’re autistic so you’d rather be alone your whole life or you’re a khaniis.

You can build a career while committing to a relationship, you can choose someone who’s good enough if you have high standards, someone who meets it well enough will come your way, these honestly sound more like excuses than anything else especially considering it’s sunnah to get married if you can get married. Don’t misinterpret my words when I say this, it’s obviously not a good idea to get married if you don’t have the means to do so or at a very young age like 18 without having a plan but at the same time there’s people on the other end of the spectrum who’re in every position to get married but don’t do so without a clear reason.

Marriages at young and immature ages leads to problems within societies sure, but no one committing to marriage/family leads to other problems within society too (look at Japan) clearly there’s a healthy middle ground here that people should adopt.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

The faraxs are incel in denial. The xalimo are standardscel or don’t try to find anyone

 

[Abdirazaq]

The faraxs are incel in denial. The xalimo are standardscel or don’t try to find anyone

The whole incel thing is a farce for faraxs when they can marry a women from back home.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

The whole incel thing is a farce for faraxs when they can marry a women from back home.

So a sexless long distance relationship. Basically incel

 

[Abdirazaq]

So a sexless long distance relationship. Basically incel

They can have children with them there and support them financially and then eventually bring them over. What’s your obsession with incels? Get your mind out of that pitiful rut.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

They can have children with them there and support them financially and then eventually bring them over. What’s your obsession with incels? Get your mind out of that pitiful rut.

There’s bound to be problems if they’re marrying back home as a last resort due to being incel. From the get go a marriage where all you do is send money from afar and occasionally visit to get her pregnant is a pretty shit one. Bringing over a woman who married you for your resources is a bad idea too. All in all it’s kind of sad and not much better than being incel

 

[Sophisticate]

None of the above. I'm attractive, highly educated and conversationally dexterous. I am not neurodivergent (nothing wrong with that) and I'm heterosexual. I never wanted to get married in my 20s and Alx that manifested.

If you want to call that commitment phobia go ahead. Even though I came from a functional two parent home with educated parents that are also both attractive. Please stop trying to create strange tales as justifications. Or make being single seem like some aberration. It isn't.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Being a somali incel is a myth especially if you have a career and are past your 30s there is no excuse. The only thing that hold some people back on both sides is there character and or unrealistic standards.

Some people just also don't wanna get married it's not necessary to get married so to each there own really

 

[Abdirazaq]

None of the above. I'm attractive, highly educated and conversationally dexterous. I am not neurodivergent (nothing wrong with that) and I'm heterosexual. I never wanted to get married in my 20s and Alx that manifested.

If you want to call that commitment phobia go ahead. Even though I came from a functional two parent home with educated parents that are also both attractive. Please stop trying to create strange tales as justifications. Or make being single seem like some aberration. It isn't.

Being single after a certain age is definitely an aberration, considering people have relationships and get married by certain ages, there’s a point where you become the odd one out. Aberration definition: a departure from what is normal, usual, or expected.

 

[Abdirazaq]

There’s bound to be problems if they’re marrying back home as a last resort due to being incel. From the get go a marriage where all you do is send money from afar and occasionally visit to get her pregnant is a pretty shit one. Bringing over a woman who married you for your resources is a bad idea too. All in all it’s kind of sad and not much better than being incel

I’ve seen many happy relationships that have developed this way, are you depressed by any chance sxb? You seem to have a very negative way of looking at things.

 

[Sophisticate]

Being single after a certain age is definitely an aberration, considering people have relationships and get married by certain ages, there’s a point where you become the odd one out. Aberration definition: a departure from what is normal, usual, or expected.

Aberration is often a pejorative term. Not merely a deviation but a diseased state or defect. So, I think it was appropriately used. The only people who have an issue with my marital status from what I've gathered are men. It's interesting really. The sisters don't seem to care and appear to be in their own lane.

I'll hold firm to focusing on what is in parity with myself be it in age, qabil, education level, upbringing, lifestyle, religiosity, status/finances, and looks. Gracias.​

 

[Odious Delirium]

I’ve seen many happy relationships that have developed this way, are you depressed by any chance sxb? You seem to have a very negative way of looking at things.

He's probably never interacted with women back home

 

[Abdirazaq]

Aberration is often a pejorative term. Not merely a deviation but a diseased state or defect. So, I think it was appropriately used. The only people who have an issue with my marital status from what I've gathered are men. It's interesting really. The sisters don't seem to care and appear to be in their own lane.

I'll hold firm to focusing on what is in parity with myself be it in age, qabil, education level, upbringing, lifestyle, religiosity, status/finances, land looks. Gracias.​

Even with the added pejorative meaning you could still make the argument that being single at a certain age is considered an aberration, as single people tend to have more physical health conditions and die earlier.

I also don’t have any issue with you staying single, it’s your life so you do you, so if I offended you in a past comment I’m sorry. I’m more interested in the real reason why people stay single on the more broad macro-sense but I’ll need individual accounts to really get a good basis as to why people stay single. It’d be preferable to me if the Somali diaspora didn’t fall into the traps of modern western thinking in terms of marriage and family.

 

[Sophisticate]

Even with the added pejorative meaning you could still make the argument that being single at a certain age is considered an aberration, as single people tend to have more physical health conditions and die earlier.

It's men who face greater health disparities than women when single. People who are most disadvantaged are those lacking strong social bonds/connections. Healthy marriages are wonderful but unhealthy or eroding ones are more health injurious.​

Anecdotally, I'm probably more health conscious than most. Please direct me to an Abdi who:

1) Does not take any pharmaceuticals nor has not had a vaccine in decades
2) Is sexually abstinent/ never fornicated
3) Eats Paleo/Keto/Carnivore
4) Believes in home births/home schooling {more lifestyle but you get the picture}
5) Is physically active
6) Takes health supplements when appropriate be it vitamins, minerals or herbs
7) Has never smoked, drank nor taken recreational drugs (ever)
8) Drinks adequate amounts of water and has adequate amounts of sleep
9) Consumes mostly halaal, organic, pasture raised, grass fed produce or animal products
10) Effectively manages stress
11) Gives back in some form through volunteerism

When you couple that with all the other requirements I essentially get me. I could live with that. Not an aberration but it's what I call an outlier and I never liked being 'caadi' in this respect.

 

[Abdirazaq]

It's men who face greater health disparities than women when single. People who are most disadvantaged are those lacking strong social bonds/connections. Healthy marriages are wonderful but unhealthy or eroding ones are more health injurious.​

Anecdotally, I'm probably more health conscious than most. Please direct me to an Abdi who:

1) Does not take any pharmaceuticals nor has not had a vaccine in decades
2) Is sexually abstinent/ never fornicated
3) Eats Paleo/Keto/Carnivore
4) Believes in Home births/home schooling {more lifestyle but you get the picture}
5) Is physically active
6) Takes health supplements when appropriate be it Vitamins, minerals or herbs
7) Has never smoked, drank nor taken recreational drugs (ever)
8) Drinks adequate amounts of water and has adequate amounts of sleep
9) Consumes mostly halaal, organic, pasture raised, grass fed produce or animal product
10) Effectively manages stress
11) Gives back in some form through volunteerism

I don’t really wanna get personal here, I don’t know your situation, so know I really am not criticising you nor do I even have the right to critique your situation. When I’m making my critiques of being older and single I’m merely doing it at the societal level.

Yes men tend to suffer more of the health issues when they’re single but it’s the same for women but to a lesser degree (due to having more social buffers) I really wouldn’t point the finger at someone who's falling through the cracks when I’m also falling but just at a slower pace. Using unhealthy relationships and comparing that to all single people doesn’t really make sense as it’s be a biased result, what you’d do is you look at all couples and all single people and compare those, it seems when you do this single people that are older are worse off overall.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Please direct me to an Abdi who:

1) Does not take any pharmaceuticals nor has not had a vaccine in decades.
2) Is sexually abstinent/ never fornicated
3) Eats Paleo/Keto/Carnivore.
4) Believes in Home births/home schooling {more lifestyle but you get the picture}
5) Is physically active.
6) Takes health supplements when appropriate be it Vitamins, Minerals or Herbs.
7) Has never smoked, drank nor taken recreational drugs (ever).
8) Drinks adequate amounts of water and has adequate amounts of sleep.
9) Consumes mostly halaal, organic, pasture raised, grass fed produce or animal product.
10) Effectively manages stress
11) Gives back in some form through volunteerism.

We exist

point 9 I don't know about mostly halal I only ever eat halal but I'm lacking on point 8 but regardless I know many faraxs that are like this you just need to look in the right places which only happens when one is in the right places same goes for the faraxs.

Curate your environment and you will attract the right people

 

[A Mean Guy]

None of the above. I'm attractive, highly educated and conversationally dexterous. I am not neurodivergent (nothing wrong with that) and I'm heterosexual. I never wanted to get married in my 20s and Alx that manifested.

If you want to call that commitment phobia go ahead. Even though I came from a functional two parent home with educated parents that are also both attractive. Please stop trying to create strange tales as justifications. Or make being single seem like some aberration. It isn't.

Heres my Application.

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[Sophisticate]

I don’t really wanna get personal here, I don’t know your situation, so know I really am not criticising you nor do I even have the right to critique your situation. When I’m making my critiques of being older and single I’m merely doing it at the societal level.

Yes men tend to suffer more of the health issues when they’re single but it’s the same for women but to a lesser degree (due to having more social buffers) I really wouldn’t point the finger at someone who's falling through the cracks when I’m also falling but just at a slower pace.

I focus on the micro-level/individual level as I can report from lived experience. It's not that challenging. Also, just because someone is in their 30s doesn't mean they won't marry. I just don't understand the fixation on this topic. It's been done to death.​

View attachment 257453

We exist

point 9 I don't know about mostly halal I only ever eat halal but I'm lacking on point 8 but regardless I know many faraxs that are like this you just need to look in the right places which only happens when one is in the right places same goes for the faraxs.

Curate your environment and you will attract the right people

I know they certainly exist. However, I get quite self-congratulatory when dodging prospects.​

I've sadly been this way since my youth. Old habits die hard. When you are a young lady being linked with anyone is bad for your image and I was conscious to not date or let someone talk to me until my late 20s. It's odd that people assume the converse. They think I'm some female casanova because I'm good with words. I mean anyone who picks up a book is.

 

[Odious Delirium]

They think I'm some female casanova because I'm good with words. I mean anyone who picks up a book is.

Good riddance I guess since that means they don't read

 

[TheProfessor]

The common arguments I see is being busy building careers, not enough good potential suitors etc but I’m not buying any of that bs anymore. I ultimately think it comes from a fear of commitment, overanalysing your choices leading to a paralysis of choice, maybe you’re autistic so you’d rather be alone your whole life or you’re a khaniis.

You can build a career while committing to a relationship, you can choose someone who’s good enough if you have high standards, someone who meets it well enough will come your way, these honestly sound more like excuses than anything else especially considering it’s sunnah to get married if you can get married. Don’t misinterpret my words when I say this, it’s obviously not a good idea to get married if you don’t have the means to do so or at a very young age like 18 without having a plan but at the same time there’s people on the other end of the spectrum who’re in every position to get married but don’t do so without a clear reason.

Marriages at young and immature ages leads to problems within societies sure, but no one committing to marriage/family leads to other problems within society too (look at Japan) clearly there’s a healthy middle ground here that people should adopt.

I understand single farax but Xalimo single in here 30 is the biggest problem she only got few years for pregnancy and single women are the most miserable people always trying to fight and argue.