5000 euro mahr? too much?

[Amirah]

Expensive dowry, means that more men will just marry out of the community. Why make it so hard to marry a person within your community, when foreigners don’t expect anything?

Also it is stupid because if you are able to save $80,000 with the help of your family for each man that gets married, then why don’t they save that money to get them on the property ladder so they can build generational wealth?

And who said the entire family is in the West? In my family, only one of my mother’s brother lives in the UK the rest of her family live in Somalia and Kenya. In my father’s family, he is the only one living in UK.

People paid expensive dowries to wed since the beginning of time and yet still married within their own. You don’t marry out just to avoid paying a dowry, thats doesn’t even make any sense. If your forefathers and his were able to come up with 100 camels or cows, men in diaspora should be able to aim for something of similar value. Anyways, your first response to a 70k dowry is to marry out and theirs is to save up and marry within - 2 very different mindset.

Now about using that money for property and building generational wealth - I can totally see and even agree with you there. But at the same time marriage is an investment too. It’s probably one of life’s greatest investment. I can also see how excessive dowry can hinder marriage and cause unnecessary hardship but it’s their culture and they found a way to make it work.

 

[KaiMarvin]

No way in hell Im paying more than 2k. Seen few western brother in Borama marry the finest xalimos for that much. Its the benchmark figure and Im not going higher or lower

 

[AbdiFreedom]

I think it's honourable to give it to hungry children. I thought that would bless the marriage.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I wonder how some of the guys on here plan to pay bills when they get married, if they are this worried about a 1 month/2 months pay-check. I hope you're all teenagers or broke University Students because this is just embarrassing.

Or do you plan to live 50/50 with your future wife like two female roommates? I bet if we carried out a poll on here we'd see that those who are gainfully employed are not the ones complaining about Meher all the time.

 

[Periplus]

It is economics/maths, not culture. I believe him when he says Sudan nomads pay 100 cows in dowry.

“At the time of the 2016 Census, the median Individual Weekly Income for the Sudan-born in Australia aged 15 years and over was $377, compared with $615 for all overseas-born and $688 for all Australian-born.” Means the average Sudanese income in Australia is less than $20,000 a year. So it’s impossible for people living paycheck to paycheck to be able to save $80,000 and spend it stupidly on a dowry.

A lot of newer immigrants in Australia underreport their salaries during census time. Many migrant families are scared of increased taxes or loss of benefits. That figure is generally an estimate of their taxable income not their pre-tax income.

The Australian census is nowhere near an accurate figure of getting numbers on anything related to African immigrant groups.

They claim that Somalis on average earn around the same amount when nearly all of the Somalis I know are home-owners and relatively middle-class professionals.

 

[Periplus]

As for OPs question, 5000 is not too much, in fact it's rather reasonable imo.

If you are working man, that is very easy to save up. If you cannot save 5k Euros (6k USD/4.2k GBP) then you ain't ready for marriage bro.

My rule is don't get married until you have a house plus 15k USD in the bank.

 

[World]

A lot of newer immigrants in Australia underreport their salaries during census time. Many migrant families are scared of increased taxes or loss of benefits. That figure is generally an estimate of their taxable income not their pre-tax income.

The Australian census is nowhere near an accurate figure of getting numbers on anything related to African immigrant groups.

They claim that Somalis on average earn around the same amount when nearly all of the Somalis I know are home-owners and relatively middle-class professionals.

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[Periplus]

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[Xaruun]

Why marry her if she won’t make it easy for you? If your potential wife makes marriage difficult then she’ll probably be a difficult wife too

 

[World]

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[Periplus]

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[Mercury]

5k for her meher Its alright I guess but if thats all you have saved I dont think you ready for marriage yet

Theres alot other stuff to keep in consideration like having your own place,furniture, wedding costs

And also yarad which is usually money you put in a envelope 1k-2k which you give to her family on the day of engagement

And gabaati say 1k you split up and give all your male relatives and the male relatives on her side who come to the engagement give like 10-20$ to all of em to get theyre blessings

 

[Hotchick12]

That’s 2 month pay check, how is it to too much?

 

[UnknownX808]

Paying mehr is a load of rubbish

 

[Sloane Ranger]

If 5k is too expensive then get your money up instead of complaining. No bum stacking shelves should be allowed an opinion on this topic.

 

[Abdalla]

Try to negotiate it down during the wedding day. That will put pressure on the family as all eyes are watching. Say that you had a lot of unexpected expenses. They might say, you don’t have to pay on the spot, say I don’t want to enter my marriage in a debt and if you’re accepting 2.5k I can pay it on the spot. I am sure they will negotiate with you.

That’s what I did with Sithara. The entire wedding costs me
5K including the meher.

Renting a Community hall for 5 hours: 700 euros
Hilib and bariis for 200 people: 1800 euros
Her dresses and outfit: 800 euros
My custom made suit: 700 euros
Honey moon to Santorini 1000
Her meher umrah during off season: 400 (she wanted umrah during the last 10 days of Ramadan which would’ve costed me around 3k). I told them on the spot I can book the ticket now and we’ll leave next month. I was on a cold February month, very off season.

I already had new furniture so I didn’t redecorate the house much.

 

[Periplus]

Try to negotiate it down during the wedding day. That will put pressure on the family as all eyes are watching. Say that you had a lot of unexpected expenses. They might say, you don’t have to pay on the spot, say I don’t want to enter my marriage in a debt and if you’re accepting 2.5k I can pay it on the spot. I am sure they will negotiate with you.

That’s what I did with Sithara. The entire wedding costs me
5K including the meher.

Renting a Community hall for 5 hours: 700 euros
Hilib and bariis for 200 people: 1800 euros
Her dresses and outfit: 800 euros
My custom made suit: 700 euros
Honey moon to Santorini 1000
Her meher umrah during off season: 400 (she wanted umrah during the last 10 days of Ramadan which would’ve costed me around 3k). I told them on the spot I can book the ticket now and we’ll leave next month. I was on a cold February month, very off season.

I already had new furniture so I didn’t redecorate the house much.

Your wife’s family after seeing this post:

 

[AbdiFreedom]

I wonder how some of the guys on here plan to pay bills when they get married, if they are this worried about a 1 month/2 months pay-check. I hope you're all teenagers or broke University Students because this is just embarrassing.

Or do you plan to live 50/50 with your future wife like two female roommates? I bet if we carried out a poll on here we'd see that those who are gainfully employed are not the ones complaining about Meher all the time.

Thats not true. Use that €5000 towards the portion of closing costs of a home purchase. Many people in the community need to understand delaying their gratification. Many end up using their upfront mahr over frivolous spending. Mahr should be as minimum as possible. It's shocking to see how a community that is largely low income has spend tens of thousands on mahr and weddings. All the people I know who spent such large sums on mahr and weddings live in public housing or rent small apartments. They dont own their own property after all these years.

 

[Periplus]

Thats not true. Use that €5000 towards the portion of closing costs of a home purchase. Many people in the community need to understand delaying their gratification. Many end up using their upfront mahr over frivolous spending. Mahr should be as minimum as possible. It's shocking to see how a community that is largely low income has spend tens of thousands on mahr and weddings. All the people I know who spent such large sums on mahr and weddings live in public housing or rent small apartments. They dont own their own property after all these years.

1000000% Big facts

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Thats not true. Use that €5000 towards the closing costs of a home purchase. Many people in the community need to understand delaying their gratification. Many end up using their upfront mahr over frivolous spending. Mahr should be as minimum as possible. It's shocking to see how a community that is largely low income has spend tens of thousands on mahr and weddings. All the people I know who spent such large sums on mahr and weddings live in public housing or rent small apartments. They dont own their own property.

Maher payment is a woman's Islamic right, it has nothing to do with wedding costs.
I don't even agree with lavish weddings and think it's best to save that money for the couple's future life, buying assets and so forth.

Secondly, most people are walking around with material assets worth thousands of dollars, especially these people who always have the latest iphone. But they want to act stingy when it comes to a woman who is going to risk her life to bear children?