5000 euro mahr? too much?

[Periplus]

Maher payment is a woman's Islamic right, it has nothing to do with wedding costs. I don't even agree with lavish weddings and think it's best to save that money for the couple's future life.

Secondly, most people are walking around with material assets worth thousands of dollars, especially these people who always have the latest iphone. But they want to act stingy when it comes to a woman who is going to risk her life to bear children?

I think both of you have the same argument.

Yes, everyone should ideally save for their future and avoid unnecessary purchases. However, lavish weddings and big mehr is a massive financial commitment.

Don't get married until you put a deposit down for a house imo.

 

[adventurequestworlds1.0.2]

I wonder how some of the guys on here plan to pay bills when they get married, if they are this worried about a 1 month/2 months pay-check. I hope you're all teenagers or broke University Students because this is just embarrassing.

Or do you plan to live 50/50 with your future wife like two female roommates? I bet if we carried out a poll on here we'd see that those who are gainfully employed are not the ones complaining about Meher all the time.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

Maher payment is a woman's Islamic right, it has nothing to do with wedding costs.
I don't even agree with lavish weddings and think it's best to save that money for the couple's future life, buying assets and so forth.

Secondly, most people are walking around with material assets worth thousands of dollars, especially these people who always have the latest iphone. But they want to act stingy when it comes to a woman who is going to risk her life to bear children?

You have to be stingy in the first 10 years or so. That's the only way you can have savings and purchase a home. Even better to purchase before marrying. People with the latest technology are the same people who have no issue paying or asking for large mahr. Savers don't purchase the latest technology. Women and men need to understand you should be house poor and stingy until about 35 and then you can start living a little more "lavish" after that age. Yes mahr of £5000 isn't much but its better to be spent on other things. What would your reaction be if your husband said "Let me give you the minimum mahr but let's use the €5000 to pay for home purchase closing costs like legal fees and title insurance?".

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

You have to be stingy in the first 10 years or so. That's the only way you can have savings and purchase a home. Even better to purchase before marrying. People with the latest technology are the same people who have no issue paying or asking for large mahr. Savers don't purchase the latest technology. Women and men need to understand you should be house poor until about 35 and then you can start living a little more "lavish" after that age. Yes mahr of £5000 isn't much but its better to be spent on other things. What would your reaction be if your husband said "Let me give you the minimum mahr but let's use the €5000 to pay for home purchase closing costs like legal fees and title insurance?".

I totally agree with being financially savvy overall, however, I wouldn't agree to a little Meher payment because if we get divorced, I'll have my 5000 Dollars which will be useful in case he's a deadbeat and I'm a single mother.

What will I do with the 'minimum maher' and a house that's under his name legally? All the assets will be his and I'll be out with nothing, only some photographs and regrets.

(Somalis usually don't pay Maher upfront, it's paid after divorcing)

As soon as a man starts working, he needs to set money aside for marriage every year until he gets married. At least 15,000 dollars to cover Meher, wedding costs and the house.
For god's sake, Somali mothers who work low-wage jobs manage to save up this much, there is no excuse.

Most of these diaspora males spend thousands of dollars on clothing, electronics, holidays etc, but they want to act like Mr Scrooge when Meher is mentioned.

 

[Abdalla]

Or do you plan to live 50/50 with your future wife like two female roommates

Whats in for the man if his wife works? He’ll have a wife that’s either stressed or at the very least tired after work meaning she won’t cater to his needs as she’d if she was stay at home wife, plus he’s not reaping the financial benefits of her income.

I pay everything but I feel like I’m being taken for a fool. I don’t want to complain about lacag, but it’s about the principle.

 

[NeseN]

I don’t mind dropping 30k if she possesses every quality I desire but imo 5k is still a nice amount.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Whats in for the man if his wife works? He’ll have a wife that’s either stressed or at the very least tired after work meaning she won’t cater to his needs as she’d if she was stay at home wife, plus he’s not reaping the financial benefits of her income.

I pay everything but I feel like I’m being taken for a fool. I don’t want to complain about lacag, but it’s about the principle.

I agree, men should be responsible as is his islamic duty. Btw, a woman who is educated and works has the benefit of being able to provide in case Allah forbid, a man dies or become disabled. Even if she keeps all her money as is her islamic right, it's always useful in case of family emergencies.

Or maybe the wife can pay off smaller bills, so you can save as a family unit. It depends on what each couple is happy/comfortable with.

However, when it comes to child rearing, it's best for the mother to be the primary caretaker whilst the husband is at work. The Meher payment is not taking advantage and it's not that expensive either, unless you end up with a woman who wants a lavish wedding.

 

[Abdalla]

As soon as a man starts working, he needs to set money aside for marriage every year until he gets married. At least 15,000 dollars to cover Meher, wedding costs and the house.

15k euros is almost 3 years of rent in most places in the Netherlands. It’s not wise to spend that on a single day, specially to entertain people on your wedding who’ll regardless talk shit abouttje food, the dresses, the venue. Every wedding I’ve been to have been criticized by its guests.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

I totally agree with being financially savvy overall, however, I wouldn't agree to a little Meher payment because if we get divorced, I'll have my 5000 Dollars which will be useful in case he's a deadbeat and I'm a single mother.

What will I do with the 'minimum maher' and a house that's under his name legally? All the assets will be his and I'll be out with nothing, only some photographs and regrets.

(Somalis usually don't pay Maher upfront, it's paid after divorcing)


As soon as a man starts working, he needs to set money aside for marriage every year until he gets married. At least 15,000 dollars to cover Meher, wedding costs and the house.
For god's sake, Somali mothers who work low-wage jobs manage to save up this much, there is no excuse.

Most of these diaspora males spend thousands of dollars on clothing, electronics, holidays etc, but they want to act like Mr Scrooge when Meher is mentioned.

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[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

15k euros is almost 3 years of rent in most places in the Netherlands. It’s not wise to spend that on a single day, specially to entertain people on your wedding who’ll regardless talk shit abouttje food, the dresses, the venue. Every wedding I’ve been to have been criticized by its guests.

I mean 15K for house/car expenses, honeymoon, wedding outfits and the meher/nikaax dinner that you have to give the sheekh and important guests.

Not to spend on a lavish wedding, hell no.

 

[Thugnificent]

People paid expensive dowries to wed since the beginning of time and yet still married within their own. You don’t marry out just to avoid paying a dowry, thats doesn’t even make any sense. If your forefathers and his were able to come up with 100 camels or cows, men in diaspora should be able to aim for something of similar value. Anyways, your first response to a 70k dowry is to marry out and theirs is to save up and marry within - 2 very different mindset.

Now about using that money for property and building generational wealth - I can totally see and even agree with you there. But at the same time marriage is an investment too. It’s probably one of life’s greatest investment. I can also see how excessive dowry can hinder marriage and cause unnecessary hardship but it’s their culture and they found a way to make it work.

The average salary is 2k a month. So 5k is almost 3 months of salary. Besides that the groom has to pay for the wedding that's another 10/15k.

So It will take 3/4 years of working for the average farax to pay for a wedding.

So your best chances for a high meher(20k+) is marrying an older man(almost 30).or someone from back home(his entire fam/clan will chip in). In both cases there is a higher chance that he'll end up getting another wife(because he'll feel that he bought you).

The number one thing stopping faraxs in the west from getting multiple wifes is their financial situation. Marrying a rich man will mean that'll he'll probably exercise all his options.

So thread carefully.

 

[Wiilyam Ina Sheekh Zubeer]

A woman can ask for as much or as little meher that she deems appropriate, just as the man can agree and go ahead or disagree and call it off.
Let the wife to be demand whichever amount or modality (jewelry, land, livestock, hajj/ umrah) she likes whilst ideally taking into account the husband's short-, mid- and long-term capacity to provide this amount and his ability/potential to provide in general.

Provided two suitors are of equally good character and religious commitment I think most women would prefer the one who can reliably provide a middle- to upper-middle-class income and gives them a moderate meher over the one who saves for years upon years only to give her an exorbitant meher as a one-off with no savings left and a meek income for the foreseeable future.

Meher is a stipulation of the marriage contract, a gift for the bride and her right over the husband first and foremost.
It can also be seen as a show of seriousness on the husband's part.

That said we shouldn't see meher as some type of insurance in case of death or divorce, since you will burn through whatever amount is commonly paid e.g. 5-10k just for bills and other expenses. Even 50k amounts to roughly 800 € every month over 5 years, it won't get you far in case you are left to yourself, unless you have a steady income of your own and can invest that money in a smart way.

 

[KobeBryant]

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[Amirah]

The average salary is 2k a month. So 5k is almost 3 months of salary. Besides that the groom has to pay for the wedding that's another 10/15k.

So It will take 3/4 years of working for the average farax to pay for a wedding.

So your best chances for a high meher(20k+) is marrying an older man(almost 30).or someone from back home(his entire fam/clan will chip in). In both cases there is a higher chance that he'll end up getting another wife(because he'll feel that he bought you).

The number one thing stopping faraxs in the west from getting multiple wifes is their financial situation. Marrying a rich man will mean that'll he'll probably exercise all his options.

So thread carefully.

Lol damn 3 to 4 years to just to save $15- 20k
And since we did the avg salary become $2k? I think I’m starting to understand that most non American faraxs are beyond broke lol. Here even if the guy makes only $2k he’ll work multiple jobs or drive Uber or a truck or whatever it takes so he doesn’t sit on his making $2k. You can’t even survive on $2k unless you live on your mamas basement which in that case they should be able to safe at least $1200 for that per month. Also what business do you have getting married while making $2k to begin with? That’s a sure way to end up on government benefits.

 

[qaqa ibn amr al tamimi]

Lol 4K haha. Wow! I wasn’t talking about UK - my understanding is you guys are more gaajo then most diasporas - sorry to burst your bubble but yes most decent and avg American faraxs do fork out around at least $20k minimum for weddings. I didn’t talk even include the mehr money if you noticed in my original post because xalimos ask little to nothing(most think it’s greedy to ask for more) and also that’s not publicly disclosed. Even uneducated farax can hop on a truck here and pull in 80K easily.

Edit: btw in America it’s very common for people to book the Hilton or Hyatt or other decent 4 or 5 star hotels for their weddings. That alone is around 10k.

bruh im 19 i dont even have 80k let alone a girl

 

[qaqa ibn amr al tamimi]

Lol damn 3 to 4 years to just to save $15- 20k
And since we did the avg salary become $2k? I think I’m starting to understand that most non American faraxs are beyond broke lol. Here even if the guy makes only $2k he’ll work multiple jobs or drive Uber or a truck or whatever it takes so he doesn’t sit on his making $2k. You can’t even survive on $2k unless you live on your mamas basement which in that case they should be able to safe at least $1200 for that per month. Also what business do you have getting married while making $2k to begin with? That’s a sure way to end up on government benefits.

@Amirah how old ru btw?

 

[Thugnificent]

As for OPs question, 5000 is not too much, in fact it's rather reasonable imo.

If you are working man, that is very easy to save up. If you cannot save 5k Euros (6k USD/4.2k GBP) then you ain't ready for marriage bro.

My rule is don't get married until you have a house plus 15k USD in the bank.

Lol damn 3 to 4 years to just to save $15- 20k
And since we did the avg salary become $2k? I think I’m starting to understand that most non American faraxs are beyond broke lol. Here even if the guy makes only $2k he’ll work multiple jobs or drive Uber or a truck or whatever it takes so he doesn’t sit on his making $2k. You can’t even survive on $2k unless you live on your mamas basement which in that case they should be able to safe at least $1200 for that per month. Also what business do you have getting married while making $2k to begin with? That’s a sure way to end up in government benefits .

Here in yurup people are entitled to subsidized housing and other benefits (like free healthcare) when they earn around 2,5k a month. It's liveable.

Plus I was talking about salaries for people who haven't gone to uni. Because most won't. A 24 year old without a degree earning like 2k is enough to live in.

So if a (average) farax is 27 he'll probably have between 20/30k in savings.

Not every xalimo is able to marry a farax who got a stem uni degree.

A good thing to keep in mind when looking for a partner is.

The more requirements you have the more he has.(and his aren't about education and salary kkk)

 

[Amirah]

bruh im 19 i dont even have 80k let alone a girl View attachment 199029

Are you a guy? You’re only 19 no one expects you to have that. If you wanna marry young while still in college I’m sure you’re parents will help you iA. And if you wait longer, iA you will make decent $$. It’s better to wait and get married in your late 20s. That allows you to get your education, travel, experience life and save. We Somalis take marriage lightly but it really isn’t. And most Somali women are understanding, if you truly don’t have the money most will understand.

Here in yurup people are entitled to subsidized housing and other benefits (like free healthcare) when they earn around 2,5k a month. It's liveable.

Plus I was talking about salaries for people who haven't gone to uni. Because most won't. A 24 year old without a degree earning like 2k is enough to live in.

So if a (average) farax is 27 he'll probably have between 20/30k in savings.

Not every xalimo is able to marry a farax who got a stem uni degree.

A good thing to keep in mind when looking for a partner is.

The more requirements you have the more he has.(and his aren't about education and salary kkk)

Wow, so you guys can earn up to $2.5k and still get free healthcare and housing? Like totally free?

You know what’s crazy about America, it’s not the stem workers that earn the most $$, matter of fact unless you’re an Engineer or Med… stem degree earns you not very much on avg. It’s actually the business owners and truck drivers etc that are the highest earners.

Edit: btw why not go to college & get a degree?

 

[qaqa ibn amr al tamimi]

Are you a guy? You’re only 19 no one expects you to have that. If you wanna marry young while still in college I’m sure you’re parents will help you iA. And if you wait longer, iA you will make decent $$. It’s better to wait and get married in your late 20s. That allows you to get your education, travel, experience life and save. We Somalis take marriage lightly but it really isn’t. And most Somali women are understanding I think, if you truly don’t have the money most will understand.

true but may Allah swt forgive me for this but women are just too irresistible and tempting. may Allah swt safe us.

 

[Thugnificent]

I mean 15K for house/car expenses, honeymoon, wedding outfits and the meher/nikaax dinner that you have to give the sheekh and important guests.

Not to spend on a lavish wedding, hell no.

Like 90% of xalimos want a big wedding. I don't know how but most weddings cost like 10/15k while you could get the same for like 5k(3k renting a room+furniture and 2k on food).

There is a massive Muslim wedding industry here in the Netherlands all the while the majority of their costumers are on welfare