Yep and like I pointed out, everything you mentioned would require intelligence, a lack of selfishness and actually caring more than just filling ones stomach and fulfilling one’s lust and unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for our people. Hence, the cycle of poverty and instability and overall hopelessness will continue. I’ve always found it to be very hoolo, basically animal like for one not be able to think beyond the present and that’s unfortunately the infliction of Somali dhaqan. They hide behind Qadr and baraka without understanding that Allah helps those you also help themselves and that the baraka of children is also looking after those you currently have.
Father of 16 children and husband of three wives. Quran teacher at day and taxi driver by night. Baidoa SWS.
- Thread starter mohamedismail
- Start date
I don't even think its necessarily about fulfilling ones desires, but about increasing their qabiil's population.
The reality on the ground is the more males you have in your tribe the more rights you attain naturally or by force.
I'm from a sub clan that some would consider to be politically Laangaab because they had more females offsprings, and their lineage doesn't carry over to their children.
Many Somali clans are marginalized as a result because lineage can only be carried by the male offsprings so the Landheeres are in constant competition to outbreed one another and not fall behind, while Laangaabs are trying to play catch up so their rights are not completely vanished.
As long as Qabiil is the law of the land and not identifying ourselves as Muslims first and foremost, this culture of men trying to have as many children as possible while not raising them will continue.
This is uncomfortable truth about Somali culture but Its a conversation that needs to be had if we are to heal as a people.
Beyond disgusting to promote this only rich men are able to have this many kids, and wives what he is doing is being a pimp and a child abuser because I know his kids are probably starving
The sheikh will produce an army of Quran Xafids and leaders. meanwhile, the children of many diaspora Somalis will turn out be closed atheist, Zionists and/or LGBT. Pray Allah blesses your children rather than backbiting and slandering a man who has done nothing wrong.
'Are the children starving' kulaha. Oh no, Allah forbid if we want more for miskeen children, beyond living on whatever meagre rations daddy asks them to share with 15 other siblings.
How dare we ask men to practice sexual discipline, financial discipline, let alone
*GASP*, ask men to have enough time to parent their own children!
Take a good look at this post, if you want to know why Somalia lags behind other nations, when it comes to certain things.
@Riftvalley
You’re comparing apples and oranges. The reason why many in the diaspora turn out like that is because of the gaal environment and Somali fathers thinking they can have a hand offs of approach which you champion.
As for that Sheikh, people shouldn’t slander him as they don’t know him personally and don’t have much of a clue about his parenting. I think people are simply dismayed with the traditional Somali male approach to parenting which is horrendous. In the UK, this laid back approach in which they hardly see their kids and spend most of their time back home with their second wives has ruined a generation of boys. And back home, it’s mindboogling to see how you can find men in tin houses trying to marry again. Most other non African groups will try and move their first families out of those types of housing into a normal brick structure before thinking about getting with other women. That alone shows you the lack of foresight and sexual discipline that Puntinite Queen is talking about. You really don’t find this mindset out of SSA groups. Look at poor Arabs, look at poor Pakistanis and other Poor Muslim groups. Hardly any of them behave this way.
Also, according to studies, one of the main contributors of stark poverty for African women and children is due to poor men getting additional wives. There is hikma to our religion making it clear that polygamy is based on whether a man can afford it.
You’re comparing apples and oranges. The reason why many in the diaspora turn out like that is because of the gaal environment and Somali fathers thinking they can have a hand offs of approach which you champion.
As for that Sheikh, people shouldn’t slander him as they don’t know him personally and don’t have much of a clue about his parenting. I think people are simply dismayed with the traditional Somali male approach to parenting which is horrendous. In the UK, this laid back approach in which they hardly see their kids and spend most of their time back home with their second wives has ruined a generation of boys. And back home, it’s mindboogling to see how you can find men in tin houses trying to marry again. Most other non African groups will try and move their first families out of those types of housing into a normal brick structure before thinking about getting with other women. That alone shows you the lack of foresight and sexual discipline that Puntinite Queen is talking about. You really don’t find this mindset out of SSA groups. Look at poor Arabs, look at poor Pakistanis and other Poor Muslim groups. Hardly any of them behave this way.
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Also, according to studies, one of the main contributors of stark poverty for African women and children is due to poor men getting additional wives. There is hikma to our religion making it clear that polygamy is based on whether a man can afford it.
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If you actually read the thread and the responses, you’d see that’s not the full picture. I’m not hating on the man since I don’t know him and don’t think a random person should be slandered.
But there is much to be said about Somalis being polygamous when poor. That goes against the Quranic juncture of Polygamy being about affordability.
Not true.
Polygamy should be for wealthy men, not broke men. That is the issue we have.
Abu Hesi
VIP
You were fair in your responses; ninkaan biilkiisa soo dhacsaanaayo waaka duwanyahay kuwa kheyra masuulka ah.
Abu Hesi
VIP
I disagree, you ain't gotta be wealthy but laakin waa inaa cover gareen kartaa every one under you.
But I'm against guys that are dirt poor oo la biilo hadana naaga kale guursanayo.
I understand and tbh I don’t see the point of talking about him specifically, but the issue at hand is why is the SSA male so content in achieving little and spending the little bit he has on another wife, instead of further investing in wife and kids? Example, a man that is providing within his means, but lives in a tin house back home, will then try and marry again instead of trying to live in a brick home. They’ll marry again, instead of using the extra money to buy school books and the list continues. You really don’t see that phenomenon outside of Africa.
For the stability of society, it should be for wealthier men. Especially now with the rising needs of children and people. Unless you’re relatively wealthy, most people can’t cover the needs of those under their roof. The general needs are no longer, food, one or two baatis and a room to sleep in. The world has changed, men know this in regards to themselves, hence why the average Individual has a phone, bank card, a brick house, a car and the list continues, but at the same time, when it comes to women and kids, they want to operate as though they’re living in a time in which they only had camels and two white sheets. It’s unfair and detrimental to society rather hypocritical that is. Hence, unless you can afford all the of the things you know you need and use in your day to day life in todays modern world, polygamy should be out of the question.
Abu Hesi
VIP
Walaal waxaan waa aduunyo, labo baati kabadan maxaa lagu falaa?
Lol, stop with the trolling. If an individual doesn’t need more than two baatis, men don’t need more women. It’s aduunyo right and polygamous marriages gone wrong can take you hell.
Abu Hesi
VIP
Walaal I agree with you, aniga ninkaan miskiinka un baa difaacayay since he has a strong work ethic.
I was actually kinda pissed with ninka qaba my aunt who married his third wife when he couldn't sustain his first wife(my aunt) and his second wife.
But I still stand on saying you ain't gotta be wealthy, just be financially independent.
"Our findings suggest that women in polygamous marriages experience considerably higher psychosexual and psychosocial adverse effects as compared with their monogamous counterparts. This study also shows that, in underdeveloped countries like Somalia, illiterateness of women constitutes one of the major contributors to polygamous marriages."
You can’t stand on that since in this day and age, being able to afford, a house, schooling, electricity, cars, phones for one family is like an arm and a leg. The world is now an expensive place and if you can do that with all of your families without your wife and kids going without and without any financial worries, you’re relatively wealthy.
What I find incensing and what puts a lot of women off polygamy is the selfishness of men who will make a woman go through financial stresses and worries to get married again, instead of making sure his first family is comfortable. Also ask yourself, how does this benefit women? In an age in which women are just as educated as men and are now providing for themselves? What do they get out of being without AND sharing a man?
Abu Hesi
VIP
I'm looking at the situation back home not here in the West where women here are educated and don't need to "share" their man.
Laakin dumarka back home are less fortunate, mida kale iyagaa raga kabadan, marka maxaa talo eh.
That’s why I said earlier that the only thing that will change the situation is a change in the economy and education. I think if women are going to opt to share, the man should be worth it, if not it will damage society and Somalis are proof to this. It impacts not just the wives, but also their daughters:
I was reading this article about the cycle of poverty found in divorce and polygamous marriages in poor societies like Somalis Meey. This one story stood out to me. A Somali girl from back home, ended up getting married to a man whilst young and tbh she didn’t even know him that well. Reason why? Dad had multiple wives and was struggling to feed them all and getting the girls married off is obviously the best option. The marriages weren’t forced or anything, but the reasoning behind it was sad. Anyways, the girl ended up getting divorced, since divorce is common back home and now her father has to feed her and her kid.
AdoonkaAlle
Ragna qowl baa xira, dumarna meher baa xira.
Bisiinka the level of aflagaado & venom people have for the guy waa cajiib!!!
It even went beyond that, now dalkeena is poor & backward because a very tiny percentage of men decided to marry more than one woman . So qabylaad, corruption lack of adherence to diinta etc. all of these have nothing to do with why dalkeena is as it is maanta ???
In that study, the overall difference between monogamous & polygamous women when it relates to “sexual dysfunction” was just 13.9%. “SD” was prevalent in both groups: 55.9% for monogamous vs 69.8% for polygamous women
.
Now what’s even interesting is when you take a look at the actual breakdown of the scores. The differences are very negligible
Another point of note from purely a statistical analysis is that there’s more women suffering from “SD” in monogamous marriages as opposed to polygamous ones. So if we extrapolate this to somalia as a whole, then things get worse simply because monogamous women with “SD” will far surpass those of polygamous women by a large margin.
Given the above what rationale is there to focus on polygamous women when the difference in “SD” is just a mere 13.9% and also the fact that Polygamous women constitute a minority of women who are diagnosed with the “SD” ?
My final point is related to the index scores used to determine sexual function. I’m very sceptical of a self report index that purports to objectively measure an individual’s sexual function especially one rooted in a foreign cultural background & tradition. In fact the FSFI score was introduced to determine arousal disorders & not other factors of a person’s sexual function.
Like anything related to human beings nothing is static, similarly so is a person’s sexual function. Just because a person has issues today doesn’t entail that they’ll have it tomorrow or that it’s deterministic. Imagine telling a woman she’s suffering from SD based on a survey that she filled whilst she had issues that no longer are a factor in her current life.
Take for instance the study, it was conducted on women who came to the hospital between June & October 2022. Article was published in December 2023, based on this are we to assume that there’s been no change in those women since that time ? Even more problematic is generalising entirety of somali women based on such a study. Do those women even actually believe that they’re suffering from SD ?
At the end of the day these indexes were developed in a society where sexuality is championed without restrictions, as such their norms & values of what they deem as proper sexual ethics will be governing the standards determining both sexual function & dysfunction
Link:
It even went beyond that, now dalkeena is poor & backward because a very tiny percentage of men decided to marry more than one woman . So qabylaad, corruption lack of adherence to diinta etc. all of these have nothing to do with why dalkeena is as it is maanta ???
In that study, the overall difference between monogamous & polygamous women when it relates to “sexual dysfunction” was just 13.9%. “SD” was prevalent in both groups: 55.9% for monogamous vs 69.8% for polygamous women
.
Now what’s even interesting is when you take a look at the actual breakdown of the scores. The differences are very negligible
Another point of note from purely a statistical analysis is that there’s more women suffering from “SD” in monogamous marriages as opposed to polygamous ones. So if we extrapolate this to somalia as a whole, then things get worse simply because monogamous women with “SD” will far surpass those of polygamous women by a large margin.
Given the above what rationale is there to focus on polygamous women when the difference in “SD” is just a mere 13.9% and also the fact that Polygamous women constitute a minority of women who are diagnosed with the “SD” ?
My final point is related to the index scores used to determine sexual function. I’m very sceptical of a self report index that purports to objectively measure an individual’s sexual function especially one rooted in a foreign cultural background & tradition. In fact the FSFI score was introduced to determine arousal disorders & not other factors of a person’s sexual function.
Like anything related to human beings nothing is static, similarly so is a person’s sexual function. Just because a person has issues today doesn’t entail that they’ll have it tomorrow or that it’s deterministic. Imagine telling a woman she’s suffering from SD based on a survey that she filled whilst she had issues that no longer are a factor in her current life.
Take for instance the study, it was conducted on women who came to the hospital between June & October 2022. Article was published in December 2023, based on this are we to assume that there’s been no change in those women since that time ? Even more problematic is generalising entirety of somali women based on such a study. Do those women even actually believe that they’re suffering from SD ?
At the end of the day these indexes were developed in a society where sexuality is championed without restrictions, as such their norms & values of what they deem as proper sexual ethics will be governing the standards determining both sexual function & dysfunction
Link:
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