Married to a Jamaican brother

[Mohamud]

shoo inahay

This forum has no need for your real world logic or nuance

But being real we're exactly as despised in the same quantity as we despise others. It's a vicious circle of hate.

 

[inahay]

shoo inahay

This forum has no need for your real world logic or nuance

But being real we're exactly as despised in the same quantity as we despise others. It's a vicious circle of hate.

Haha point taken, however its still disturbing when we distract ourselves with irrelevant issues rather than the real ones we as a people are facing.

 

[Mercury]

Came across this and I must say the level of delusion on this forum is worrying. The self righteousness and superiority complex on here is in stark contrast with the reality of the Somali community. As someone mentioned earlier; the majority of Somalis do not stay married, hence generation upon generation of fatherless children, who then repeat the cycle of broken families. In many studies on the Somali community in the UK, they repeatedly found that apart from Somali children underachieving, they also come from fractured households with no positive father figures. I personally only know of one couple who are still together after 19 years mashAllah but the sad situation is that instead of focusing on mending our attitudes towards marriage many focus on false narratives and cautionary tales about marrying out.

Rather than bashing people who marry out and policing general attitudes, I think some self reflection is in order. It is also amusing that the characteristics which you are condemning the Jamaican guy for is also rampant in our own community e.g.
deadbeat fathers, infidelity etc., That is of course not to say that all Somali men are like this, but we as a community do not have well defined roles nor a moral value towards the family unit or child rearing.

The irony is that whilst we set ourselves above certain ethnicities we deem 'unworthy' we also share if not have the exact same issues....

One thing that the Somali community should do is call out dead beat parents the west and back home aint the same

Back home IF the father is absent all the relatives are around to support the family

But in the west its different

 

[Mohamud]

Haha point taken, however its still disturbing when we distract ourselves with irrelevant issues rather than the real ones we as a people are facing.

Absolutely true.

Statistics are worthless in the case of Somalis in the UK since many low income households are involved in social fraud and fake their divorce to get more welfare. Others do not report their income to the authorities.

Aside from certain pockets in the West where there has been a breakdown in cultural values, Somali culture generally promotes conservative marriage values. Somalis in the Gulf countries and Africa still have their culture intact.

Because they're in strict Nations that do not accept the innate thievery we are prone to. You can't point to those countries as some norm when it has been proven what we do with freedom. There is no excusing what happens in the diaspora.

 

[inahay]

Statistics are worthless in the case of Somalis in the UK since many low income households are involved in social fraud and fake their divorce to get more welfare. Others do not report their income to the authorities.

Aside from certain pockets in the West where there has been a breakdown in cultural values, Somali culture generally promotes conservative marriage values. Somalis in the Gulf countries and Africa still have their culture intact.

I am sorry but that is a fallacy, I had the pleasure of travelling and working back home and in the UAE the past couple of years and though our culture promotes 'conservative marriage', it is nothing but the opposite in reality. Back home the divorce rate is still high, the society is also highly patriarchal which in turn puts women at a disadvantage when their husbands decide to remarry a second spouse (coincidentally this doesn't stop the women from divorce) . In the UAE majority of Somalis I came across either had been divorced or in the process. The peculiar thing is the ease by which we view divorce, as if it is of no great concern.

In terms of welfare fraud, yes many somalis do this and remain Islamically married, however this fosters an environment of zero accountability in the man (in my view) which in turn dilutes the role of the husband and father which inevitable leads to issues in the marriage.

Having your culture intact is not an antidote for the increasing rates of divorce nor for the erosion of morality in our community.

 

[inahay]

One thing that the Somali community should do is call out dead beat parents the west and back home aint the same

Back home IF the father is absent all the relatives are around to support the family

But in the west its different

Hmm am I to understand that you are saying, that back home it doesn't matter whether the father is there or not, as there is a substitute for him by way of
relatives? This is another issue where we delegate the role of the father to whoever is available.

 

[Mercury]

Hmm am I to understand that you are saying, that back home it doesn't matter whether the father is there or not, as there is a substitute for him by way of
relatives? This is another issue where we delegate the role of the father to whoever is available.

Well said

 

[inahay]

There's nothing inherently wrong with divorce as long as the children are taken care of and the woman is able to remarry, which she can since there is no taboo attached to being a divorcee in our culture (unless your ex was an Abu Jailbird )

At any rate, none of what you mentioned is comparable to the reality that faces many AA's and Jamaicans.

This is what I mean, though divorce is not a taboo neither is it encouraged, many of these divorces would not have taken place if only we placed a high value on marriage, for in marriage it isn't just two people but two families joining. However in our community we rush into marriage and then rush to divorce...
perhaps some sabr and some real investment from the beginning would go a long way.

Also you said I couldn't compare AA's and Jamaicans to the issues facing us...lets see; apart from religion it seems we have similar issues. Though their unions may not be halal (children out of wedlock and cohabiting/ casual relationships) they still are affected by the same issues such
as broken households, no positive role models and a whole generation of single-mother raised children.

The way I see it, it doesn't matter who people decide to marry but the real deciding factor should be choosing someone who will not reenact the cycle yet again.

 

[Mohamud]

He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones is essentially the moral here.

 

[inahay]

He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones is essentially the moral here.

In a nutshell, it may be humorous but in the end we are the butt of the joke as well...

 

[Nin xun]

One thing that the Somali community should do is call out dead beat parents the west and back home aint the same

Back home IF the father is absent all the relatives are around to support the family

But in the west its different

Difference is that back home it's the father's family/clan that takes care of children, which is luxury you don't have in the diaspora.

 

[Mercury]

Difference is that back home it's the father's family/clan that takes care of children, which is luxury you don't have in the diaspora.

Yeah but theres still many in the west who still got that approach to parenting back home it works Cause the relatives even neighbours Will chip in

 

[Nin xun]

Yeah but theres still many in the west who still got that approach to parenting back home it works Cause the relatives even neighbours Will chip in

People forget that a child is raised by a village and that the current view of a nuclear family is very much a new invention as child raising has historically been a shared responsibility. I also don't view somalis liberal views of divorce as a bad thing because the reverse would mean a living hell for most somali women.

 

[Prince of Lasanod]

must be a uk thing.I here this kind if nonsense going on with the uk revert jamaican salafis. As for in the U.S. the black american reverts are one of the most dedicated muslims, and all around good men.

I believe 95 % of black american (not immigrants) children are born out of wedlock?

 

[Prince of Lasanod]

If you read the op, you can see the fam was happy with the man indicating that they must hav seen good in him

Behind close doors and out to the open is very different. Some parents will break ties completely with their daughter, others will paint a great picture of the guy to save themselves from more embarrassment.

 

[Merca]

I feel sorry for her

 

[inahay]

One would think that this woman committed mass genocide or shirk the way she is being talked about subhana'Allah.
Why make that haram, which Allah has made halal? Is the man from a different species? Joke is even among on our kind we do not
marry certain tribes we deem 'untouchable' and we wonder why Somalia is in flames? Intolerance only breeds intolerance. Fact stands that even if this woman had married a somali man, her chances of staying married are minuscule....so either way in the end, it doesn't matter.

Its a sad state of affairs that feckless people decide to focus on a small percentage of Somalis, as if their very lives depend on espousing vile rhetoric
and outdated opinions. Why wouldn't her children be accepted? Are they of unknown entity set upon bringing about the downfall of the Somali people?

This post offends me deeply, no wonder the world and mostly Africa is in such a sad state.

 

[Prince of Lasanod]

Also you said I couldn't compare AA's and Jamaicans to the issues facing us...lets see; apart from religion it seems we have similar issues. Though their unions may not be halal (children out of wedlock and cohabiting/ casual relationships) they still are affected by the same issues such
as broken households, no positive role models and a whole generation of single-mother raised children.

And the Sahaba also divorced and remarried plenty of times and had a really high divorce rate. So what?

Single mothers raising children is not our culture either. It is the culture of the West where women get custody of the children along with financial benefits, housing etc. Back home the father and his family is the one who takes the children (and this is what our religion also says) after divorce as well. We live in a society that promotes individualism, how many young Somalis send their money back home to their relatives, 5 % or something?

No Somali of self worth would ever compare Somalis to these Jamaicans and say we are similar to them either.

 

[MARAQ DIGAAG]

The somarley community needs to be respected .

 

[inahay]

And the Sahaba also divorced and remarried plenty of times and had a really high divorce rate. So what?

Single mothers raising children is not our culture either. It is the culture of the West where women get custody of the children along with financial benefits, housing etc. Back home the father and his family is the one who takes the children (and this is what our religion also says).

No Somali of self worth would ever compare Somalis to these Jamaicans and say we are similar to them.

The sahabah had a really high divorce rate? Pray tell!

So rather than looking at the similarities between those you view as inferior and our community, you'd rather turn a blind eye? Whether you like it or not we have the same issues, and there is no sugar coating that.

There is essentially nothing wrong with divorce but it seems most men in our community also
think that with the divorce comes the mandatory 'get of of parenting card'.
And for people saying that back home relatives chip in...that still doesn't excuse the father not taking an active role in his children's lives!