My cousin divorced her husband, "This is not your house."

[Angelina]

I think the only way such a marriage would work (temporarily), if if the man puts the woman's name on the deed going forward. But even then, I don't see her desiring him again.

I think things can be salvaged if they’re able to have a mature conversation about this and delve into how he came up with such a mentality and if he’s willing to take steps that will ensure her piece of mind.

 

[Midas]

I think a woman that doesn’t have her wits about her would interpret it as simply ‘hurtful’ words but people’s real feelings do come out during times of tension and the reality is that a man with that mindset cannot be trusted and it makes more and more sense why women can’t trust men enough these days to not work and allow a man to fully provide. It’s his house, but instead of it being a shared space that a man and woman both raise kids in, it’s a place he owns and you’re expected to cook and clean in his place without anything of your own and could be told to leave whenever like you’re some sort of maid, rather than a wife who has a stake in growing the family as it’s her family and house as well.

No woman who is perceptive can truly feel comfortable around a man like that. Even if one was to stay which is reasonable since people do deserve second chances, a lot of conversations and changes of perceptions needs to be had as having children in that environment is risky for a woman.

I mean i don't think i would go that far. You hear married couple say much worse things than this to each other. You have people attack each other's worst flaws or Bring up something ugly that happned in the past. I can't really judge somebody whose situation i don't know. But if she really wants to divorce over that kind of statement I think even gaalos would be shocked.

 

[Angelina]

I mean i don't think i would go that far. You hear married couple say much worse things than this to each other. You have people attack each other's worst flaws or Bring up something ugly that happned in the past. I can't really judge somebody whose situation i don't know. But if she really wants to divorce over that kind of statement I think even gaalos would be shocked.

Aah, I don’t think you realize that what he said might sound tame in comparison to what a lot of married couples say to each other but the mentality behind it speaks volumes tbh and a huge elephant in the room and is one of the reasons why trad relationships are on the decline. It’s something that plays into women minds even well before marriage and why the average woman wouldn’t want to give up her job and if she is to, she would be someone with savings ect. It is an area that women feel very vulnerable about. It’s precisely why many women have been told by their housewife grandmothers and mothers to always have their own.

I’m not saying that people should divorce over this tbh. This is merely a snapshot of their marriage and none of us know the ins and outs, but a serious conversation about mentality needs to be had and ways of salvage via steps to ensure that both parties don’t feel a certain way or carry certain mentalities that can be detrimental to the health of a marriage.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I think things can be salvaged if they’re able to have a mature conversation about this and delve into how he came up with such a mentality and if he’s willing to take steps that will ensure her piece of mind.

There are some words that suck out all the love from a marriage and just leave behind a hollow 'partnership'.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

For example, you can't ever say to your man "you're not a man", or "I don't see you as a man". If a man leaves you for that, don't blame him.

You can't fight dirty and expect someone to forgive you or love you after that.

There are 'no go' zones. Don't bring up someone's painful past, don't bring up insecurities, don't threaten them, don't insult their appearance, don't insult their family, their clan (Somalis call it 'lafo caay".


Learn how to argue, before you get married, it will save you a big headache.

What are the best phrases to use in an argument with your partner? - Counseling Therapy Testing | The Life Change Group

Couples therapy is filled with stories about how to improve your marriage. Learn what phrases to use when arguing with your spouse.

thelifechangegroup.com

​

 

[Midas]

Honestly the more i think about this, the more unbelievable it sounds. @Yaraye, are you trolling us? I mean this sounds even crazier than a reddit post. Normally when you hear about something like this. It's the final straw after years of emotional abuse or something. But I can't belive somebody would divorce over hurtful words that wasn't even a personal attack on her character or something. Like is she gonna tell her kids years later I divorced him because he said" this is my house ".

 

[Midas]

For example, you can't ever say to your man "you're not a man", or "I don't see you as a man". If a man leaves you for that, don't blame him.

You can't fight dirty and expect someone to forgive you or love you after that.

There are 'no go' zones. Don't bring up someone's painful past, don't bring up insecurities, don't threaten them, don't insult their appearance, don't insult their family, their clan (Somalis call it 'lafo caay".


Learn how to argue, before you get married, it will save you a big headache.

What are the best phrases to use in an argument with your partner? - Counseling Therapy Testing | The Life Change Group

Couples therapy is filled with stories about how to improve your marriage. Learn what phrases to use when arguing with your spouse.

thelifechangegroup.com

​

Exactly he didn't do any of this. He said don't yell at me in my own house.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Honestly the more i think about this, the more unbelievable it sounds. @Yaraye, are you trolling us? I mean this sounds even crazier than a reddit post. Normally when you hear about something like this. It's the final straw after years of emotional abuse or something. But I can't belive somebody would divorce over hurtful words that wasn't even a personal attack on her character or something. Like is she gonna tell her kids years later I divorced him because he said" this is my house ".

Are you pretending not to understand what it means to tell a woman she has no stake in the house she lives in? The same women, that will spend time cooking, cleaning and raising children without a salary?

Exactly he didn't do any of this. He said don't yell at me in my own house.

No. He said "Don't raise your voice at me. This is not your house."

 

[Angelina]

Exactly he didn't do any of this. He said don't yell at me in my own house.

He said it’s my house not yours. He didn’t say don’t yell at me or don’t yell in this house.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Walahi, I recommend all of you learn what your triggers are, and learn how to calm yourself down, get anger management, and learn how to use certain phrases to de-escalate. Because guur is testing, and you will get on each other's nerves sometimes. Add children on top of that, and wheww.

How do you argue with your siblings/parents? That's how you will behave when you get married. Is it normal levels of arguments or are you reckless at the mouth? If yes, ha guursanin until you get a handle on it.

 

[Angelina]

Are you pretending not to understand what it means to tell a woman she has no stake in the house she lives in? The same women, that will spend time cooking, cleaning and raising children without a salary?



No. He said "Don't raise your voice at me. This is not your house."

There is a level of dishonesty here we’re witnessing some of the men acting like they can’t comprehend basic English are Indeed intelligent men but they’re trying to downplay this. Being told this is not your house isn’t the same as simply being told not to yell. They know this, we know this, who are they trying to fool on this anonymous forum?

 

[Angelina]

Walahi, I recommend all of you learn what your triggers are, and learn how to calm yourself down, get anger management, and learn how to use certain phrases to de-escalate. Because guur is testing, and you will get on each other's nerves sometimes. Add children on top of that, and wheww. If you are reckless at the mouth, don't get married until you fix it, because you will get in serious trouble.

My whole thing isn’t about the so called ‘triggers’. I find it disturbing they even think this way even if it isn’t uttered since they have the gull to yap on about motherhood and trad marriages when really in their way of thinking, contribution is only via money. Everything is ‘theirs’ since they pay for it whilst they hoodwink wives into years of servitude for the sake of ‘love’ and lying to her by saying ‘it’s your house as well, you need to look after the home’. That is how men are able to get women to solely do the cooking and cleaning. This idea that they’re a joint team in which the man works outside the home and the women inside is what sustains a trad marriage, hence both work but only one will accumulate assets.
These women will toil by managing and up keeping a home that will appreciate in value due to the maintenance of the house, but women would be told, they have 0 stake.

I just wish they were honest from the get go.

 

[Midas]

There is a level of dishonesty here we’re witnessing some of the men acting like they can’t comprehend basic English are Indeed intelligent men but they’re trying to downplay this. Being told this is not your house isn’t the same as simply being told not to yell. They know this, we know this, who are they trying to fool on this anonymous forum?

Normally you guys aren't even this off. But this is an extreme level of gaslighting your doing. I won't even get into the argument of what he really meant or how your giving it the wors possible interpretation. But the fact remains that there was a thosuand worse things he could have said and that couples routinely say to each other . If this was just something that was festering for years that's one thing. But no sane and rational individual would think about divorce over this.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Normally you guys aren't even this off. But this is an extreme level of gaslighting your doing. I won't even get into the argument of what he really meant or how your giving it the wors possible interpretation. But the fact remains that there was a thosuand worse things he could have said and that couples routinely say to each other . If this was just something that was festering for years that's one thing. But no sane and rational individual would think about divorce over this.

Ok.

Test it on your wife and report back to us.

 

[Midas]

Ok.

Test it on your wife and report back to us.

Who's saying what he said was a good thing? But it's obviously not something that would cause a person to divorce. This why I rarely discuss these things on here. You guys will aleays take the worst possible interperations and put words in peoples mouths. of the dozens of times these sors of topics have been brought on here you guys have never taken a middle ground.

 

[Angelina]

Normally you guys aren't even this off. But this is an extreme level of gaslighting your doing. I won't even get into the argument of what he really meant or how your giving it the wors possible interpretation. But the fact remains that there was a thosuand worse things he could have said and that couples routinely say to each other . If this was just something that was festering for years that's one thing. But no sane and rational individual would think about divorce over this.

Learn the meaning of gaslighting. It is you that bypassed the point of ‘it’s not your home’ and tried to insinuate that he merely told her to not yell.

Furthermore, I actually replied to a post of yours in which I delved into why saying such a thing does feel worse and how the mentality behind is detrimental to women, but you ignored it.

Hence, there is a level of dishonesty here and you’re displaying it right now since I did go into detail why I believe that saying those ‘worse things’ as you put it pale in comparisons to what the husband said and if you’re honest enough to acknowledge it, you can read my initial post and engage with it and tell me why you disagree. I also touched upon why in believe that they can work on it rather than run to divorce.

I refute your point of gaslighting since we’re not the ones who are actively trying to dismiss key details here.

 

[Angelina]

Aah, I don’t think you realize that what he said might sound tame in comparison to what a lot of married couples say to each other but the mentality behind it speaks volumes tbh and a huge elephant in the room and is one of the reasons why trad relationships are on the decline. It’s something that plays into women minds even well before marriage and why the average woman wouldn’t want to give up her job and if she is to, she would be someone with savings ect. It is an area that women feel very vulnerable about. It’s precisely why many women have been told by their housewife grandmothers and mothers to always have their own.

I’m not saying that people should divorce over this tbh. This is merely a snapshot of their marriage and none of us know the ins and outs, but a serious conversation about mentality needs to be had and ways of salvage via steps to ensure that both parties don’t feel a certain way or carry certain mentalities that can be detrimental to the health of a marriage.

@Midas

Here it is.

I went out of my way to explore and delve into why such a sentiment of the husband from my perspective and in fact most women is detrimental to a marriage and how it is even tied unfortunately to the decline of trad marriages

You completely ignored this and went straight to accusing me of gaslighting and then talking about how we’re missing the point of couples saying terrible things. I’ve replied to that argument of yours.

Also, the last paragraph I made it clear that divorce shouldn’t be the answer and we are only being given a snap shot to their marriage rather than the full picture.

Hence it is you that’s being dishonest since I’ve made it clear they can salvage things and should do so.

 

[Midas]

@Midas

Here it is.

I went out of my way to explore and delve into why such a sentiment of the husband from my perspective and in fact most women is detrimental to a marriage and how it is even tied unfortunately to the decline of trad marriages

You completely ignored this and went straight to accusing me of gaslighting and then talking about how we’re missing the point of couples saying terrible things. I’ve replied to that argument of yours.

Also, the last paragraph I made it clear that divorce shouldn’t be the answer and we are only being given a snap shot to their marriage rather than the full picture.

Hence it is you that’s being dishonest since I’ve made it clear they can salvage things and should do so.

Well if apologize i didn't see that. But you also have to realize you guys are not even considering that he misspoke and wasn't even implying what you guys are saying he was. If there was a range of possible interpretation from the worst to the best. You guys are basically taking the worst side of the spectrum and not leaving any room for other possible interpretations. Setting aside the issue of divorce you do realize how problematic it is to assume the worst .

 

[Angelina]

Well if apologize i didn't see that. But you also have to realize you guys are not even considering that he misspoke and wasn't even implying what you guys are saying he was. If there was a range of possible interpretation from the worst to the best. You guys are basically taking the worst side of the spectrum and not leaving any room for other possible interpretations. Setting aside the issue of divorce you do realize how problematic it is to assume the worst .

For his sake I do hope he has misspoke, but its a common sentiment that some men have that have led to the decline of trad marriages and why many of our trad grandmothers and mothers have urged to us to get an education and have our own. This isn’t something in a vacuum, but a wider more complex mentality that has reared its ugly head in many historical relationships that have led to an array of issues in our modern world.