My cousin divorced her husband, "This is not your house."

[Man with a garuun]

Separation ="I think we need some space, time to live apart, where do you want to go, or shall I leave"?

Divorce = "Get out of the house, it's my house"!!

Except the OP didn't include "Get out of the house" in her comment. At least I did not see it.

 

[Sophisticate]

This is precisely why Islam dictates that a woman's money is hers and hers alone, because this is what can happen. A woman spends years and years in unpaid labour, with no assets to show for it. Especially if she has no decent meher, no gold. Upon divorce these women are left DESTITUTE. Not to mention, the lack of work experience.

That's right sis, this kind of man has shown his hand and he's a huge threat to her well-being. He's not husband material.

Exactly. I don't know if they understand the high cost. As you said, there are clearly stipulated reasons for that: to protect women. As for leaving of her own accord v.s. being kicked out. I don't think we need to play a game of semantics, as some folks would be riding for the husband unapologetically, no matter what. They suffer from perceptual biases, it seems. They did not understand that he dismissed her contributions, kicked her out, and attempted to manipulate her. They think it's fine to tolerate emotional harm to keep a marriage intact. One that could progressively get worse and escalate in abuse over time.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Except the OP didn't include "Get out of the house" in her comment. At least I did not see it.

they’re spinning it to that I’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS

 

[Angelina]

You can't kick a woman out (who does that anyway, it's so sassy), and then expect her back.
That is called a D I V O R C E.

Genuinely think these younger lot don’t understand how ceeb it is for man to conduct himself. Older gen Somali men even the problematic ones were masculine enough to understand you can’t say this to a wife. In fact, when they had enough, they’d be the ones to leave since it’s Islamic etiquette to not even kick out your wife upon divorce for at least 3-4 months left alone a woman you’re still married to and planning to stay with.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

No man with any shred of protectiveness would ever tell his wife to leave in he middle of the night. There is no excuses for this Keep it and above all it is ceeb in every society and even more so with us being Muslim.

Im worried about the younger Gen who don’t know what acceptable and what isn’t.

Such a man isn’t masculine. Doesn’t have any sort of protectiveness.

Islamically even within a divorce a husband can’t tell a woman to leave for 3 months and needs to provide for her those 3 months. That’s our religion and guideline. Kicking a woman out even when you’re at your wits end is forbidden.

On top of that, as a man how do you flex this is ‘my house’ when that’s your wife? That a house they both share. She cooks and cleans in that house and he’s saying ‘if my house’ and that’s normal behavior for you? What is she then? The maid of the house that’s being employed by the owner? No wonder modern day women don’t want to be housewives anymore.

No matter how you spin it, it’s ceeb and nasty.

Don't worry for men who don't want to listen. We are telling them here and now that women need to feel protected, and this is backed by islamic principles of the woman staying in the house for 3 months after a divorce.

It's not just ceeb and nasty, that kind of man is SASSY, and no woman is attracted to that.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

they’re spinning it to that I’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS

There is no context for saying 'this is my house' to a woman. What kind of woman stays with a man who has shown his hand? That hand being; you are nothing in this house, you own nothing and I will leave you destitute. The only woman who sticks around for that, is plotting something major.

 

[Keep it a boqol]

No man with any shred of protectiveness would ever tell his wife to leave in he middle of the night. There is no excuses for this Keep it and above all it is ceeb in every society and even more so with us being Muslim.

Im worried about the younger Gen who don’t know what acceptable and what isn’t.

Such a man isn’t masculine. Doesn’t have any sort of protectiveness.

Islamically even within a divorce a husband can’t tell a woman to leave for 3 months and needs to provide for her those 3 months. That’s our religion and guideline. Kicking a woman out even when you’re at your wits end is forbidden.

On top of that, as a man how do you flex this is ‘my house’ when that’s your wife? That a house they both share. She cooks and cleans in that house and he’s saying ‘if my house’ and that’s normal behavior for you? What is she then? The maid of the house that’s being employed by the owner? No wonder modern day women don’t want to be housewives anymore.

No matter how you spin it, it’s ceeb and nasty.

This is my problem, he did not say LEAVE. He simply affirmed that this is his house.

I can think of an example of why he would say that.

scenario 1:
He comes back home from work and she got hella people in the crib late at night, husband tells wife he’s not cool with that espcially so late and didn’t let him know who these people are and never met them. Wife dissmisses husbands feelings and concerns and husband says that.

scenario 2:
maybe wife does something to the house without husbands permission.

You can say this is ceeb or he’s not a real man to say that as much as you like but i’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS and we DONT KNOW the CONTEXT.

And even then the man keeps calling trying to reconcile so don’t tell me he didn’t care about how is wife is

 

[Midas]

I'm a bit confused why people keep saying he kicked her out? While it was obviously wrong of him to tell her this his house and not chase after her. They were having an argument and peopel say stupid shit to each other especially when their married. But It's obvious she was waiting for a reason to divorce him. Becuase the other interpretation is she would geta divorce because of him saying "this is my house " which doenst make sense since no sane person would destroy their marriage and affect their child over hurtful words.

 

[Angelina]

This is my problem, he did not say LEAVE. He simply affirmed that this is his house.

I can think of an example of why he would say that.

scenario 1:
He comes back home from work and she got hella people in the crib late at night, husband tells wife he’s not cool with that espcially so late and didn’t let him know. Wife dissmisses husbands feelings and husband says that.

scenario 2:
maybe wife does something to the house without husbands permission.

You can say this is ceeb or he’s not a real man to say that as much as you like but i’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS and we DONT KNOW the CONTEXT.

And even then the man keeps calling trying to reconcile so don’t tell me he didn’t care about how is wife is

Ok, fine. We will wait for Yarey to clear it up.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I'm a bit confused why people keep saying he kicked her out? While it was obviously wrong of him to tell her this his house and not chase after her. They were having an argument and peopel say stupid shit to each other especially when their married. But It's obvious she was waiting for a reason to divorce him. Becuase the other interpretation is she would geta divorce because of him saying "this is my house " which doenst make sense since no sane person would destroy their marriage and affect their child over hurtful words.

Because "this is my house" means "you are nothing in this house".

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

This is my problem, he did not say LEAVE. He simply affirmed that this is his house.

I can think of an example of why he would say that.

scenario 1:
He comes back home from work and she got hella people in the crib late at night, husband tells wife he’s not cool with that espcially so late and didn’t let him know who these people are and never met them. Wife dissmisses husbands feelings and concerns and husband says that.

scenario 2:
maybe wife does something to the house without husbands permission.

You can say this is ceeb or he’s not a real man to say that as much as you like but i’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS and we DONT KNOW the CONTEXT.

And even then the man keeps calling trying to reconcile so don’t tell me he didn’t care about how is wife is

A man should be respected in the house as Islam dictates, and a wife can't have people over he doesn't want over, that's correct.

But it's THEIR home/OUR home. No matter what happens, no man should pull the "It's my house" bullshit.

He should say for example. "Don't invite this or that into OUR HOME, because xyz".

 

[Man with a garuun]

No man with any shred of protectiveness would ever tell his wife to leave in he middle of the night. There is no excuses for this Keep it and above all it is ceeb in every society and even more so with us being Muslim.

There is no one here who is disputing it.

Im worried about the younger Gen who don’t know what acceptable and what isn’t.

Such a man isn’t masculine. Doesn’t have any sort of protectiveness.

Again, no proof here the man in question ever did what you're alluding to here. This couple argued, and it involved the husband saying to his wife "this is my house". We were not told the context behind that compelled the man to remind his wife it was his house. There are a whole host of reasons why a man would make that comment.

Islamically even within a divorce a husband can’t tell a woman to leave for 3 months and needs to provide for her those 3 months. That’s our religion and guideline. Kicking a woman out even when you’re at your wits end is forbidden.

The man in question doesn't even want to divorce his wife. He is trying to get her back. So the 3-month aka "cudhaadh" is not applicable here.

On top of that, as a man how do you flex this is ‘my house’ when that’s your wife? That a house they both share. She cooks and cleans in that house and he’s saying ‘if my house’ and that’s normal behavior for you? What is she then? The maid of the house that’s being employed by the owner? No wonder modern day women don’t want to be housewives anymore.

No matter how you spin it, it’s ceeb and nasty.

It is his house if he paid for it. And as long as they are married, it is her house as well. But if she made plans for the house that he didn't agree to or if she tried to kick him out after they had a spousal dispute, then he could say it is his house and he won't get out. Again, without knowing the full story, I wouldn't pass judgment.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

There is no one here who is disputing it.



Again, no proof here the man in question ever did what you're alluding to here. This couple argued, and it involved the husband saying to his wife "this is my house". We were not told the context behind that compelled the man to remind his wife it was his house. There are a whole host of reasons why a man would make that comment.



The man in question doesn't even want to divorce his wife. He is trying to get her back. So the 3-month aka "cudhaadh" is not applicable here.



It is his house if he paid for it. And as long as they are married, it is her house as well. But if she made plans for the house that he didn't agree to or if she tried to kick him out after they had a spousal dispute, then he could say it is his house and he won't get out. Again, without knowing the full story, I wouldn't pass judgment.

Doesn't matter if he paid for it, didn't he buy the house to marry and have children in it? And thus, the people who form that family, are living in the family house? The same house that is her house for as long as they are married. Therefore, a man cannot say 'THIS IS MY HOUSE' until 3 months after the divorce.

 

[Yaraye]

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[Angelina]

I'm a bit confused why people keep saying he kicked her out? While it was obviously wrong of him to tell her this his house and not chase after her. They were having an argument and peopel say stupid shit to each other especially when they’re married. But It's obvious she was waiting for a reason to divorce him. Becuase the other interpretation is she would geta divorce because of him saying "this is my house " which doenst make sense since no sane person would destroy their marriage and affect their child over hurtful words.

I think a woman that doesn’t have her wits about her would interpret it as simply ‘hurtful’ words but people’s real feelings do come out during times of tension and the reality is that a man with that mindset cannot be trusted and it makes more and more sense why women can’t trust men enough these days to not work and allow a man to fully provide. It’s his house, but instead of it being a shared space that a man and woman both raise kids in, it’s a place he owns and you’re expected to cook and clean in his place without anything of your own and could be told to leave whenever like you’re some sort of maid, rather than a wife who has a stake in growing the family as it’s her family and house as well.

No woman who is perceptive can truly feel comfortable around a man like that. Even if one was to stay which is reasonable since people do deserve second chances, a lot of conversations and changes of perceptions needs to be had as having children in that environment is risky for a woman.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

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Thanks sis.

So we were right. He told her she was nothing in that house basically.
Good for her, I pray her next husband is a real man.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I think a woman that doesn’t have her wits about her would interpret it as simply ‘hurtful’ words but people’s real feelings do come out during times of tension and the reality is that a man with that mindset cannot be trusted and it makes more and more sense why women can’t trust men enough these days to not work and allow a man to fully provide. It’s his house, but instead of it being a shared space that a man and woman both raise kids in, it’s a place he owns and you’re expected to cook and clean in his place without any anything of your own and could be told to leave whenever like you’re some sort of maid, rather than a wife who has a stake in growing the family as it’s her family and house as well.

No woman who is perceptive can truly feel comfortable around a man like that. Even if one was to stay which is reasonable since people do deserve second chances, a lot of conversations and changes of perceptions needs to be had as having children in that environment is risky for a woman.

Only a woman that has no foresight is staying with a man that says 'this is not your house'. Are you mad? Imagine working for free, birthing babies, and that man is trying to talk to you like you are a slave.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Allah SWT knows his creations, this is why a woman's money is her money. No matter what a man sweet talks to you, get your meher, your gold, stack your coins. Because if he ever dares utter such disrespectful words, leave him in the dust, ha ooyo haduu rabo, indhaha dhiig ha ka keeno, it's a disingenuous clown.

 

[Man with a garuun]

they’re spinning it to that I’ll repeat again CONTEXT MATTERS

100%.

It seems people here have forgotten there is a difference between perception and facts. If they're judging the poor guy based on an assumption, that is perception. Poor guy is being judged based on perception. People can assume things and then would pass judgment. It is dangerous in real life.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

100%.

It seems people here have forgotten there is a difference between perception and facts. If they're judging the poor guy based on an assumption, that is perception. Poor guy is being judged based on perception. People can assume things and then would pass judgment. It is dangerous in real life.

"Poor guy" kulaha

Yaraye clearly said he told her 'don't raise your voice, this is not your house'. If it's not her house, he's not her husband, simple.